Today my grand achievements include:
a) feeding myself (not particularly well, included pizza and not nearly enough water)
b) caffeinating myself (not particularly helpful since the energy I hoped it would produce was totally misdirected)
c) watching a movie I haven’t seen since I was about 7 (“Watcher in the Woods” – Disney’s foray into horror; I recommend it if you feel like sacrificing “good” for awesome/nostalgic/cheese, which is to say… it’s actually great)
d) Finally posting this even though there’s nothing more annoying that useless whining about being useless.
I’m not crazy depressed, I’m not feeling all ragey or particularly BPDish in any way – just frenetically aimless. So. Annoying. It’s the feeling that (for me) always accompanies the knowledge that there is a LOT to do… eventually. Once you simply cannot procrastinate any longer, some part of your mind kicks in and makes you miserably stressed but incredibly productive. Prior to that stage, however, you just kind of laze and mope and vaguely worry about what’s coming up. Almost every thought is “I should be doing this, I should be doing that, I have to get this over with, etc etc.” Yet stupid tumblrs have never been so inviting – nor have pointless advice columns and articles, old SNL clips on youtube, and every other way the internet absolutely sucks up my time while simultaneously doing NOTHING for me… argh!!
The point is: I’ve wasted virtually an entire day doing fuck-all, but I refuse to beat myself up about it – thereby committing the smallest sliver of productive activity since that’s a relatively new achievement for me.
Everyone has days like this and a good way to snap out of them is to be accountable to someone; hence, the logging on here and writing this frightfully dull (for anyone who is not me) post. Apologies. Needing to see the words to commit myself to: doing a quick workout, taking a shower, and getting some much needed house-keeping in. Then it’ll be a short mindfulness/meditation track on grooveshark and *cries a bit* group therapy tomorrow morning. 😦 Thinking that is part of why today was full of nervous but pointless/lazy stressing….
Cat Earnshaw xx
Half of a Soul - Life with BPD 
Keep it up! Good job not kicking yourself for not being as productive as you’d like. I KNOW that is a HUGE accomplishment for people like us!! 🙂
Thanks Meagan, true true – sometimes the “not hating yourself extra” is indeed an accomplishment in and of itself! xx