This week my individual therapist was really down on the BPD label. More than usual, I mean. She has always been against mentioning it at all, and I must say I found (find) it quite annoying that I can’t even say it in therapy without her jumping all over it as a dangerous and self-damaging label.
Ā Ā I was somewhat proud of myself for speaking up this week and explaining that actually, I have found the label very helpful in that it gave me at least somewhat of a path to follow amidst a forest of mental health issues that I just never understood. Without knowing about BPD, I had so little knowledge of why I did the destructive things I was doing, or why certain triggers existed for me. And most importantly, by learning about BPD, I found this online community that actually understood everything I was going through – something I had NEVER experienced elsewhere.
Anyway, Ms. Therapist argued that even bringing up BPD at all = falling back on a lame excuse for the actual behaviour, which is the part that has to change. It also (she claimed) creates stigma, even in your own mind, that you are somehow different, deficient, flawed etc.Ā
I see her point but at the end of the day, I think the label has been more positive than negative for me. What about for anyone else? Have you found BPD gave you an unhealthy sense of identity or bondage to the label? Or have you found it helpful in getting treatment and understanding yourself better?
Cat xxxxx
Half of a Soul - Life with BPD 
While I only (ha, only) suffer from PTSD, I think I can add a little to this discussion. People in my life, including myself, see it in an odd light. Considering that we know that my rape caused it, it’s easier to understand. We can look at the destructive changes in my thoughts and actions and clearly attribute it to something concrete. This helps weirdly enough. My loved ones don’t get frustrated when things go haywire with me, because they know why I’m like that. Since they understand the why they can move on to the how of supporting me. Does that all make sense, how the label clarifies what I’m going through? On another part of labels, I don’t think my PTSD has many negative meanings to others, like that I’m crazy or I’ll never be well. If anything I get a lot of encouragement and support. I think that they understand it as being like a psychological injury that has to heal correctly both with proper treatment and time. I hope all this makes sense. I’m not at my most eloquent today.
This is a subject I find really interesting, and I have had similar experiences to you. Well done for speaking up about how you feel about the label! I’ve had to do it a couple of times too, with my current therapist, as she’s also ‘anti-label’. Like you, however, I have actually found it very helpful in explaining what’s going on, in enhancing self-awareness, and in putting the past into context. A couple of therapists ago, when I was asked how I would feel if I saw a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis, and they said I had ‘X’ as an example (I can’t remember what ‘X’ was!) I said that that would be fine – whatever it was, it would be better than not knowing, because I couldn’t fight something or deal with it, without knowing what it was. Having the label almost makes you feel a little more in control of the situation. I can see the various reasons why some therapists don’t like labels, and I have to say that for me, one of the reasons I like it is probably not a positive one, and is probably counter-active to my recovery. It was like a slap in the face when I read in ‘Stop walking on eggshells’ that some people with BPD take it on as their identity – it immediately rang true, and partly explains, I think, why I’m so scared of getting better, because I have so completely accepted it as ‘who I am’, and it provided something to hang on to, when everything else felt completely at sea.Overall, however, I would much rather know, and I would much rather ‘have the label’ than not. I _am_ incredibly careful and paranoid though about how I use it, and who I share it with, as I know that there is an extremely high chance that it would be misconstrued and misunderstood and that there would massive assumptions made and stigma attached. So although probably around 10 or so people know I have/have had ‘depression’ type issues, only a small handful know about the bpd.
As for the arguments Ms Therapist put forward……part of me likes being different – is that bad?! In terms of an excuse for behaviour – it’s a reason, and it can be quite difficult for the reason not to sound like an excuse,particularly to others. It drives me mad when my husband put everything I do down to BPD, as I keep arguing that not everything is due to ‘my condition’. On the other hand, I’m also quite quick to be hurt and/or angry when he _doesn’t_make allowances for the fact my behaviour is due to BPD, and I know I can’t have it both ways, even though I try! I don’t think I knowingly use the label as an excuse for ‘bad behaviour’ -but I sometimes wonder whether it almost acts as an excuse for not trying hard enough to counter-act or question the difficult behaviour…..
It won’t surprise you (given my idealisation of my previous therapist) when I say that I found my previous therapist’s approach to this subject, absolutely perfect. I don’t think she was a particular fan of labels, although she never made a big thing of it. But she completely understood that it was important for me, and also that my brain kept telling me the label wasn’t true and that I was a fraud and making it all up. And so every now and again, not every session, and not too often, she would relate what I was thinking/feeling, or how I was behaving, to my diagnosis i.e. to BPD. It was incredibly validating to hear that in her view, the ‘label’ was ringing true in this particular instance, and she could see the value (or at least could see that _I_ could see the value) in relating what I was describing, to something with a name, that could explain it….
Time to stop. It appears I’ve written an essay. Again. š
Agreed StillHiding. The labels are most useful for understanding what you need to do in recovery. It also helps others know what to do as well. But the attachment to the label can be problematic. I’ve been tasked in therapy with moving out of a victim mindset, and it is very difficult for me to do. I’m still stuck in it because my rape didn’t feel so much like a rape as it did a murder. How do I get past it when it killed off the person I was? Will I just have to pick up the cracked and broken pieces and build myself anew? It seems like that is so. And it is so hard to shake the feeling that I’m a product of my rape while I’m doing that. But perhaps I should take that with some pride. The moment where I shattered is the moment where I splintered. I cut in to everyone and everything, raging because I wanted to live even after I died. It looks like the muses visited me on that line. Anyways, I thought your essay was good.
Thank you heatherplant š I have a tendency to waffle, so it’s good to know it’s not always nonsense…. š . I can’t begin to imagine what you went through and how you must feel, but I think I can see how it must be so hard to try not to let something like that define you (as you say, not let yourself ‘be a product’ of it)….I’m trying to think of recovering as ‘building something new’ – a compromise, not black or white, neither who I used to be, nor who I am now, but something in between, fashioned out of all of it, and able to stand alone without the various props or borrowed identities of the others….I also know it will involve some grieving over things I lost or never had, and I have no idea how to do that properly, or if I can. The psychiatrist that gave me my diagnosis said, as if it was the easiest thing in the world, that I had to accept that there was no such thing as ‘perfect care’, which is what I had been looking for. So many difficult things to come to terms with, before one can start to make progress….. In a way, at least I don’t remember some of what I’m grieving – which is different to you, and my heart goes out to you for all that you’re carrying around, and trying to rebuild…. x
Hi Cat…. I think some people can cling to a diagnosis, maybe even live up to all the symptoms. However, it really depends on the individual. For 13 years, I knew there was something causing MH problems that was more than my diagnosis of JUST depression & PTSD. When I was diagnosed, it came as a wonderful revelation. After so many years battling confusing symptoms, finally I could understand some of the messed up emotions and inner torment that followed me around for years.
I haven’t spend too long studying the detail, but I know enough and have shared enough with people online, like you, and that knowledge is helping me to move forward. It was also helpful to identify particular services that were specially trained to help people with personality disorders to take charge of their lives and move forward. Again, that knowledge….that label… can help many people to move forward
Personally, I think Ms Therapists opinion is a little harsh and perhaps too ready to fit everyone with BPD into a tidy little bracket. I think there is a difference between an excuse and a reason. It really depends on how you use that knowledge about your diagnosis. If you are identifying things in relation to BPD that are a problem in your day-to-day life and then using that knowledge to change, then I don’t see much wrong with that.
Thanks for the comments on this guys – I’m so glad it sounds like we’re all on the same page. It can be discouraging when the “Professional” in any given situation says something so contrary to your gut instinct. I think the best mental healthcare providers realize that their patients really do know themselves best, they just may not have the skills for dealing with whatever they are carrying. xxxx
For me, being told I had BPD meant I was refused treatment as an inpatient. I had previously been to 5 hospitals for my ED. I was not up to attending meetings with my psych doctor because I wouldn’t leave the house. I was therefore also refused outpatient thearpy because I wasn’t commiting. I knew I should of gone to the meetings but I couldn’t leave the house. As a result of these I have not left the house once in seven months and get zero support from services. I’m starting to get worrying signs of skin cancer, such as dark bruises which aren’t bruises, all over my arms – it might just be something simple but I won’t leave the house to see a doctor. My parents, whom I live with still at 21 don’t know what to do!
I disagree with my diagnoses as do my parents, who believe my symptoms are more similar to PTSD then BPD. I have found the diagnoses very unhelpful ad I can’t personally relate to the symptoms and have encountered stigma from mental health professionals over it.
Thanks for commenting, Jessica – I agree that it was probably really unhelpful for you to be “branded” with BPD if it means other health professionals won’t see you or have negative preconceptions about you. Because BPD is pretty much simply a catch-all term like bipolar, ED, etc., the important things are YOUR particular symptoms/problems – addressing those, specifically, is what will lead to effective treatment. I’m not a mental health professional (obviously!) but it seems you would benefit most just from addressing the “not wanting to leave the house” issue only. Just remember you are doing the best you can, and try to take things one step (and one day) at a time. Take care xxxx
Although I haven’t been diagnosed with BPD (yet), I highly suspect I have it and I found that this realisation has been very helpful to me. After years of wondering “what the hell is wrong with me” it’s a welcome change to be able to pinpoint the real problem, and to be able to look for a solution accordingly. I can see why one could think it’s counterproductive to use this label, but I disagree. Sure, at times people will use it as an excuse, hide behind it, and some may take it on as their identity and will refuse to let go of it, but ultimately – it’s not much different than a “non” just saying – “that’s just how I am.” “Love it or leave it.” Well, except – a borderline just can’t help it. But identifying the problem let’s you find a solution more easily. We don’t try to avoid labelling illnesses of the body. I’m no expert and I’m new to the whole thing, but I know that putting a name on it already has helped me and I don’t see why that would change.