This will be a short post as I feel I’ve perhaps been posting too much (is that a thing? I feel like it’s a thing) on here. Basically, I just wanted to see if anyone has anything to say on the topic of false memory syndrome and the wildly controversial ‘recovered memory therapy’ (RMT).
As you may or may not recall, RMT led to dozens, if not hundreds of individuals (apparently) confusing “memories” of trauma with traumatic thoughts or feelings they had used to create false memories. These “memories” in turn brought actual allegations of abuse, which in turn brought successful lawsuits against many of the psychiatrists who had practised RMT.
Many, many, MANY times throughout my life, I have wondered whether I was abused but cannot remember it. Aside from the severe mental illness/BPD that I’ve suffered from, my “evidence” of this possibility comes in the form of: vague feelings of panic and distress surrounding sexuality, panic at being alone with any single adult as a child, inability to tolerate rape/abuse scenes in movies (I have to get up and leave the theatre I feel so freaked out), and feelings of shame/being used or abused following totally consensual and non-abusive sex.
When I asked my therapist if this horrible possibility could somehow be a reality that I’ve obscured all memory of, she said, unequivocally, that yes, it very well could be. But I’m not convinced. I’ve been reading a lot of various blogs and articles on sexual abuse and false memories of the same, and I feel more distressed and less sure about anything than ever.
I realize this is a lot to ask – particularly if you have, in fact, been sexually abused – but if you have any thoughts on this topic, any insight or advice, I’d be most grateful to hear it (and, of course, feel free to contact me via private email/message if you’d prefer not to post on here).
Cat xxxx
Half of a Soul - Life with BPD 