OK I realize this is going to be a really ironic message for the medium (or vice versa or whatever), but I’m interested to know: who here actually feels the Internet makes them happier?
I guess those are pretty broad terms – what I mean by “Internet” encompasses social media, any and all information that can be found online, and the various forms of technology used to stay (supposedly) more in touch in our modern world. “Happier” = more mentally healthy and happy than one would be without it.
I ask because I’m very much of two minds about this. On the one hand, there’s no denying that my phone and computer give me a lot of validation and genuine enjoyment via lots of different things – this blog, for example. I get so much out of “meeting” people online to discuss BPD and/or general mental health and/or a million other topics. But particularly in relation to BPD, I’ve never actually met any people in my “real life” who can even begin to relate the way thousands can on here. That alone gives me a very concrete, real-life feeling of being understood, accepted and cared for.
On the other hand, I’m becoming increasingly aware of how much computer/phone usage can negatively impact my mental health, and you don’t need to rely on personal experience to tell you that it’s not a one-way ticket to fun and happiness. Approximately a billion studies now document how many of the venues and technologies that can laughingly be described as “social” are, in fact, isolating, depressing, anxiety-inducing and destructive to our overall wellbeing.
I mean you don’t need to be a scientist to see that sitting on your ass, hunched up and squinting into a virtual reality isn’t healthy for the average human brain or body.
And you certainly don’t need a degree in psychology to realize that escapism is at the heart of the issue here.
Computers offer an escape from many things and into many other things. The realities they offer are still realities – and choosing those realities over dangerous (or even fatal) behaviours is obviously a fantastic choice to be able to have.
BUT it turns out we’re not very good at knowing when to put down the escapist realities and face the ones that make up our daily lives. For example, no one knows better than me how easy it is to write/”talk” about things on the Internet that I never, ever talk about in real life. Am I improving my ability to (eventually) talk about them by writing all this? I’m not sure. But I feel like the answer is no. All I’m really doing is finding ways to avoid doing what I know that I should (wow, was that even a sentence?).
Other classic Cat moments that make up my “Internet vs. Reality” problem:
1) I’m too scared to apply for jobs and move forward with any kind of a career, so I douche around wasting time by researching a million options – thereby overwhelming my brain and achieving fuck all at the end of a long, stressful day.
2) I’m too scared to talk to the people in my life who could be there for me if I let them (granted some of the trust issues I have are the result of their behaviours), so I talk to online people instead.
3) I’m too scared to commit to something big like writing a novel, so I read/write cheap Internet crap instead.
4) I’m too scared to actually make a decision or address a problem, so I text or message about it, endlessly and pointlessly, with people I know.
5) I’m too lazy to get off my ass and actually work out, go for a walk, enjoy a positive activity – so I fool myself into thinking that researching fitness or looking at beautiful trip spots, etc. is somehow remotely as helpful as the real thing.
Quality face-to-face interaction is still the most effective way for our bodies to process those senses of understanding, community, social relations, validation and empathy. And although I’m grateful (SO grateful) for what the Internet offers when a face-to-face interaction isn’t an option, I think I sometimes sacrifice my valuable “real life” time out of fear or just plain laziness. That’s doesn’t really jive with the uphill direction I want my life to be taking as I struggle through this whole BPD mess.
Cat xxxx
Half of a Soul - Life with BPD 
Sigh….I have just spent the last 2 hours literally wasting time (precious time, as I have a children, a job, etc), on the internet. I spend a lot of evenings working, but having decided I probably wasn’t going to work tonight, did I do something fun, or even something useful, like tidy the house? Did I get ready for tomorrow, so that I could have an early, or even an on-time night, so that I get more than 5-6 hours sleep for once? No, I just surfed the internet pretty aimlessly.and now it’s already time for bed but I won’t make it there for at least another hour as i have to do all those things I _should_ have done when I was surfing the internet…..!
I do think the internet makes me less happy, but at the same time, for all the reasons you’ve mentioned, I can’t face making radical efforts to cut myself off from it. There are some definite positives, and you could argue that what needs to change is the way and degree to which I interact with it, and that’s probably true. Having ‘phone free’ times when I concentrate on the moment, for example, rather than having one eye on email or Facebook, waiting for the latest update or latest message. But that requires discipline, something I’m really very bad at!
I’m really not sure what drives the desire to be constantly ‘up-to-date’, ‘in-the-loop’ with what goes on over email, on Facebook, on the internet. Impatience, boredom, desperation for connectedness and interaction, sheer laziness, avoidance, lack of focus??? I did take a 3 month break from Facebook at one stage and I _think_ I was happier, and I _think_ it was due to being on the internet less (although with BPD, it’s hard to tell, as the change in mood could have been due to any number or combination of a range of factors!). I’m often tempted to try the experiment again, but the thought of what I might be missing out on, holds me back. I wish the thought of what I might be gaining, was as motivating!
Now, as I really probably am just being lazy and procrastinating, I should just wrap this up and go the million and one things I really should be doing 🙂
But I’m very glad you are on the internet as much as you are, in terms of posting and keeping us up to date and plugged into your thoughts and views – definitely one of the BIG plus points of being online 🙂 xxx
Aw, thanks, love! I must say this is just about my favourite aspect of the internet right now – I cannot believe how much I have learned about BPD and some wonderful people who have it through this site/blog. And yes, I totally get the desire not to feel left out – I mean it’s this world that so many people are so entranced by now. To jump out of it would feel very isolating in many ways. But don’t beat yourself up over all the time “wasted” on the internet – forgive and move on! I mean I know it’s so much easier said than done, but we really always do the best we can with what we have, so try not to be so hard on yourself about “shoulds” etc. 🙂 Take care and more soon – let me know about chatting xxxxx
🙂 Looking forward to chatting! I’m around now, but am about to start some work (at 9.15pm!) in preparation for tomorrow…..I do check when I’m on gmail to see if you’re around, but haven’t managed to catch you yet. I know what you mean about trying to stay off the web as much, and finding it difficult to commit to a time, but if you did at any stage want to set a date (e.g. when you know you’ll be in, with half an eye on rubbish TV!), then let me know 🙂 xxx
ps Is Half of a Soul on twitter?
ps having gone on about the potential evils of social media, I have literally just signed up to Twitter, so that I can waste even more time 😉 xxx